I've always described myself as a dedicated person. I pledge my allegiances to whatever I'm involved in despite opposition, inconvenience or any other inner struggle. When my college theater company's leader was ousted for shady reasons by the campus vice president, many of my colleagues bailed. I stuck it out. When family turned against one another during bad times, I supported whoever I could, though desperately trying to keep the peace.
Dedication is my blessing and my curse now that I am a mom. Now I have at least two things that are constantly vying for my attention: a precious 14 month old and a demanding job that I love, but people can expect a lot out of me. Along with dedication I have an incessant need to please people. Why? I don't know. Maybe it was because my mom always told me to put on a happy face and smile pretty for everyone. Maybe it's because I sincerely enjoy seeing people be happy. I don't know.
Whatever it is, it's painful to leave my husband and son for long periods of time. Just last week I had to be away from Thomas for nine days while I had work duties. And tonight, while many mommies are curled up next to their hubbies or settling in for a round of nursing their little ones I am performing just another duty for work that was somewhat unexpected on the eve of our family vacation.
The role of a working mom ain't easy, but I'm sure the role of a stay at home mom isn't either. One day I'd like to be able to tell both sides of the story. For now, I've got to learn to balance my time at work and my time at home. Tomorrow morning, I'll turn off my cell phone and only turn it on periodically. My out of office assistant is on and ready to intercept any pesky co-worker who didn't get my vacation memo. It's not a permanent retreat and next Monday will be here before I know it. Until then I'm gonna love and squeeze my baby, give my husband some quality time and stick with just being "momma" for a few days.
It's time to dedicate some time to family.